We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
