Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
