don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
