what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
