that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
