Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
