He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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