You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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