Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
