wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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