U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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