I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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