i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
