HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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