captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
