I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize