your parents love me but you hate me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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