fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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