that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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