I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
