Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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