remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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