She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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