In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
