your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
