Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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