It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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