i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
