worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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