I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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