My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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