and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
