plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
