I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
