genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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