Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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