I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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