my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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