thus making me awesome and them whores
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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