babies were throwing up all over the place
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
