I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
