Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
