I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
