I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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