I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
