Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
