I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
