If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize