That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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