Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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