I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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