I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you inspire me to be a worse person
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize