I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
