1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
birth control should be required to get into college
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
