That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
