he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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