Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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