so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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