just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
