I just threw up on my dentist
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
