remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
