he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
