If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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