She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
