i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
