shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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