dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
