I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
