The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
