he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
