can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize