nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
