I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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