I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize