i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
