i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
