sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
