I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
be right there i have to get my cape
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