Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
