I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
